Being a good Parent How to stay neutral in a fight between your kids
02/Jun Being a good Parent: How to stay neutral in a fight between your kids

I remember when I was a child I used to fight with my elder brother a lot. Most of our fights were about useless stuff like fighting over the TV remote or him using some curse word. We would fight like animals and our parents would never intervene. My father use to tell us that we need to learn how to resolve our issues on our own. Even if he did decide to intervene he would never take sides, he would tell us both we were wrong. In the beginning, we would take our fights to our parents but seeing how they never took, sides we eventually stopped going to them for help altogether. I think this is the main reason I never faced self-esteem issues in my early childhood. I never had to go through the painful; experience of having my parents supporting my brother in an argument even when it was my fault. I wish every parent in the world could understand the importance of staying neutral in a fight between his/her kids.

  1. Never follow the sequence

Never follow the sequence

The most commonly practiced mistake by the parents is that they tend to follow this hierarchy of children. The eldest kid is supposed to be the wisest and the youngest has to be the dumbest. The level of their trust and confidence in their children goes from high to low according to the sequence of eldest to youngest. Well if you are a parent who follows similar sequence you are damaging your children by lowering the self-esteem of the ones at the lower end of the hierarchy and spoiling the eldest one with favoritism.


  1. Always be gender specific

Always be gender specific

Contrary to the global practices of gender equality, you as a parent need to consider the gender differences while resolving a fight between your children. If physical violence is, involved you need to be smart enough to realize that girls are usually verbally abusive and boys tend to get physical. Girls are emotional and if your 12 years old daughter is crying and shouting, you need to understand she is trying hard to fight her emotions. Therefore, before passing your judgment make sure you have carefully analyzed the situation and taken into consideration the gender differences.

  1. Intervene but don’t punish

don’t punish

Another common mistake parents tend to make is to punish their children for fighting with one another. Your children came to your for intervention because they needed your support but you cannot reward them by grounding them for a week. You will only make things worse and the memories more permanent. You do not want your children to be haunted with memory of you beating them up for fighting over a juice box. Fighting with siblings is part of growing up and by punishing them; you are damaging this growth process.

  1. Never Impose

Never Impose

Never impose your conclusions or opinions on your children when its not even your fight. Do not tell them how things should be or how to fight. As long as there are no fatal injuries or extreme verbal abuse, your job is only to act as a mediator, to cool things off. If you misuse your authority as a parent to serve your own personal agenda or preach universal practices chances are you’ll end up scarring your children for life. Your job is to prevent fatal injuries and misconduct only.

Dania Khan
Running a household with 2 kids and an office with 20 more ;) Avid reader, passionate writer, traveler, parent and not a very good friend.

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