Top ten tips to have a successful marriage
22/Jun Top ten tips to have a successful marriage?

Marriage is an amazing relation that bounds two people together. It is not only the bodies that are bound together but this blessed relation binds two souls together. If you have met the right partner you will find life as rewarding and welcoming. However for most couples it is very hard to live with the same person 24/7 and accept them for their imperfections. We should try to realize the fact that no one in this world is perfect and if the other person has accepted us for who we are we should also do the same. Happily married couples are the best people you will ever meet as they are each other’s strength and complement each other rather than contradicting.

1. Best advice for newly married couples

Best advice for newly married couples

 

Newly married couples find it hard to get along because they have never shared their lives with someone else before. You will have to give up all your privacy and there will be no longer little secrets that you keep from every one. When I was getting married to the guy I loved every one in my family had doubts. And their concerns were right as I was one hell of a stubborn young lad and would never compromise under any circumstances. My father called me for a sitting and asked me to make some coffee for him. As I stood in the kitchen he came and stood behind me. He asked if the coffee is ready and I said no it will take time. We waited unless I could see the color change and feel the aroma in the air.

I then added some milk let it boil for a few more minutes and turned towards my dad. It is ready to be served I said. He smiled and said the most important words I will always remember.

2. Be ready for the big challenges

Be ready for the big challenges

With all the love in his voice he put his hand over my head and said you see how the coffee was made. The beans would have been collected and then grinded to be turned in to powder. Then you added water to it and let them both mix under extreme hot condition. If you did not take long enough to prepare it would not have been in its best form. You see you are a coffee bean right now that will be taken away from its natural habitat, grinded so that it blends like powder and loses its very own identity that it had kept for many years. In your case it is giving up your ego. Face the hard times and let your self-righteous attitude fade away until you become the powder that can be molded into any shape.

  1. Accept what life throws at you

    Accept what life throws at you

     

    He then continued, when you mix water to it they did not dissolve at once. You had to pass it through extreme heat so that the water boils and both of them make a solution. Your guy is the water and you will have to disintegrate yourself and dissolve in him so that you both make one unit together. Accept whatever he brings to you. There will be changes and you will lose your unique identity, some of the changes you will like others you may not but be ready for them and welcome them. Change is inevitable it is better to accept it as early as you choose.

  2. Complement each other

    Complement each other

Rather than finding mistakes in him and pointing out the bad things he does you should try to acknowledge his positive things. Maybe his attitude towards life or the way he cares for you. If he is possessive over you take it as a positive thing. Try to realize that he loves you and that is the reason he wants you to be his exclusive mate. If he allows you space, don’t think of it as he is ignoring you. Maybe he is giving you time to adjust and keeping a distance so that you feel comfortable. A couple should complement each other and both individuals should try to bring out the best in each other. Try to pass compliments so that he feels motivated and encouraged. Make a habit of giving him one compliment a day. It is great to hear good stuff about yourself.

  1. Be patient

    Be patient

    we had a sitting of almost an hour and this was the best lesson o ever learned. My dad is a gem of a person I have never seen him lose temper in 20 years of my life. He passed on the extract of his years of experience to me. Patience is the key to a successful relationship. God created us all with a purpose and finally we all get what we seek only if we are patient. He said only the first six months are going to be hard. I thought he meant things would change after the first six months. Now that I am married for six years I understand what he meant. The first six months were hard indeed. We had fights- a lot of them but I stuck to what my dad had said. He told me that whatever happens during the first six months I have to consider it as a test and never give up. He said my only success was maintaining the relation. Keep it going no matter what. After the first six months things did not really change but I got accustomed to them. I got so attached to him that I could not even breathe without him. My guy became my only priority and everything I did was to make this relation stronger.

  2. Never fight over finances

    Never fight over finances

    I used to be one hell of a spender and so was my guy before we got married to each other. As long as you are independent you are never short of cash. You never worry about the finances because you know you will manage somehow. You are single so you can even drop by at a friend’s place to have dinner or stay with him until some cash comes in. But it is not the case when you get married. Both of you are accountable for each other. You are his only strength and he is yours. There is nothing more to it. I understand there are times when you feel frustrated because you are tight on cash but you should never fight over it. Finances are something you don’t have control over, what is yours will be yours and no one can take it away from you. If God has not written something in your fate then it is nobody’s fault. No one can give what is not in your destiny. If there is anyone who can change it it’s the Creator Himself. If you want something and are not able to get it because of the finances don’t fight. Instead you should sit down and plan it out on a paper and a pen.

  3. Share responsibilities

    Share responsibilities

    in most relationships problems arise because one person limits himself to certain tasks and thinks of the other person accountable for others. It is not going to work this way. If there is something you feel he cannot manage you should take a step forward and lend him a hand. If you are a house wife and he is the sole earner and you cannot meet the expenses you should find a way of earning for yourself. It is easier to earn these days all you need is a laptop and access to internet. There are a hundred ways to earn on the web. Similarly if he is taking care of the house and you are working and you feel there are some tasks in the house that need attention you should do them rather than waiting for him to do it. He may be busy doing something else. Another good example is attending the pet. If he feeds the pet normally and takes it on a walk you should go ahead and share the load. Take the pet to walk when you find time or give it a bath if you feel like it needs one. Things are going to work smooth if you consider yourselves as one single unit instead of considering each other two different individuals.

    8. Learn to compromise

    compromise

    you are going to spend the rest of your days with this person so you should analyze what habits of yours he does not like or what things you might give up to make him comfortable. Life is not about being selfish it is about being selfless. If you want to be happy and comfortable it is necessary that you keep him happy. For this if you have to compromise on small things it is worth it. If he does not like a certain color you should simply quit buying it. If he doesn’t enjoy a certain show on the TV do not turn it on when he is around. You can obviously watch it later when he is not at home. You can find repeat telecast on the internet and watch it when you have time. If there is a food he doesn’t like stop bringing it to the house and even if you do then cook something else for him so that both of you can enjoy your meal. Once you learn to compromise on the small things you will gradually compromise on the bigger ones too when you see his joy and get the acknowledgment.

  4. Talk about stuff

Talk about stuff

It is always good to talk. It helps solve a lot of issues. Most problems arise because things keep building up and you don’t find the courage to speak up. If you feel hurt on something he said or did you should stop him right away and tell him rather than thinking about it all the time and getting hurt over and over again. Maybe he does not even know what’s bothering you or maybe he never said it in a way you took it. It is always helpful to talk about things. If you are planning to buy furniture for the house or want to go on a vacation or have made a plan to hang out with your friends tell him in advance and get his opinion maybe he has some other plans for the day. If you talk about things in advance no one will have to suffer at the end.

10. Maintain a balance

Maintain a balance

Life is too busy for everyone. There is work and kids and family and social affiliations but everything should be balanced. Don’t be a workaholic neither be an idle person. Try to strike a balance between things. If you have a job, don’t make it your god. Always take time out for him whenever you can. If he is on a job don’t always be on his head. Allow him space and find some activity to keep yourself busy when he is away.  Let things be the way they are. Instead of trying to change every one, you should try to bring the change in yourself. One of my favorite quotes about life is “be the change you wish to see in the world”

Remember “Love conquers all”

on top of all love. Make him feel wanted and important. Marriage is not only about sex. Sex is important but with intimacy and compassion. Don’t just make it a routine thing. Keep your married life spiced up by finding new ways to express love and give surprises when they are least expected. If you are going through a hard time, love. If you have achieved something in life, love. If he is away from you, love. If he is with you, love. The answer to every problem is love. Your guy needs your support. He wants to know you are proud of him. He wants to be treated like a king so that you can be his queen. I have never seen love fail in thirty years of my life. It may sound corny but it works.

Dania Khan
Running a household with 2 kids and an office with 20 more ;) Avid reader, passionate writer, traveler, parent and not a very good friend.

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